Melinda's Memorial Video

Mark, along with help from Melinda's family, helped pick the pictures and I helped scan in the prints. Friends from his church, Pam and Adrian, came over the day before the funeral and put the slides to music. It was a perfect song. Melinda's legacy lives on in the hearts of the family and friends that she touched, in the man that she loved, and especially in the children that she brought into this world and loved so fiercely. It played on big screens at the front of the church during her funeral. It was a beautiful moment, have her big smile shine down on us there. Making it simultaneously made me very happy to see her smile, and hurt my heart that all I had were these pictures and my memories of her.

In Memoriam

This is the end of what has been a long week. Our sister-in-law, Melinda, lost her battle with breast cancer last Friday. She'd been sick in the hospital following a routine reconstructive surgery, showing many of the signs of liver failure. After her death, we found out that it was recurrent cancer that had attacked her liver. The rest of her body could not keep up. We started making flight arrangements when we heard that she had gone from sick but stable, to critically ill. We did not make it there before she passed, but we all got on a plane to be with our family at this time.
Melinda was a wonderful mother to her 3 young kids, an amazing wife to my brother, a loving aunt to our kids, and a caring sister to us. We came to Oklahoma City to honor her and to be with our family - especially my brother and his children. Her beautiful service on Wednesday was led by their church's preacher and we laid her poor body to rest on a lovely hill by a lake. Wind chimes rang in a nearby tree and there were lots of flowers perfuming the air on this warm, yet breezy day. She would've thought it was beautiful. She would not want us to hurt for long. We took the kids to a family fun center/pizza place last night and blew off a lot of steam from all of the preparations that led up to her service.
The rest of our lives begins now. The news we got last night - that it was recurrent cancer that destroyed her liver - felt like this horrible monster that came around the corner to snatch her, just when we thought she had licked it. While this is very upsetting news, it also provides a bit of closure, and with it hopefully, a bit of peace.
Melinda didn't cause this in choosing the surgeries that she did, decisions she and the family made when she was hospitalized didn't cause this, and the doctors treating her these past few weeks didn't make a mistake that caused this - rather they kept her with us for 3 more weeks with their heroic efforts. Time to see her kids, hug her family and friends - for us, one last phone call. We just didn't know at the time that we were saying goodbye.
I told my mom after we heard the news that she is the last one this monster gets to take. To honor my children's Aunt Melinda, my Aunt Carolyn, and my grandmother Reba - we have to find a cure. Please join me in your hearts today in this mission. I know there will be prayers - we need those too. But let the positive thoughts from those prayers inspire you to make this also your mission. Tell your friends and family to get checked regularly for this disease. Raise money for research to find a cure. Tell those that ask about your efforts about this wonderful woman that you knew that got too short of a life here with us, and that you don't want that to happen to anyone else if it is in your hands to eliminate this monster from this planet.
Her obituary is beautiful and is online here. The blog that updated us about her health, and now will update us on things we can do for the family and to fight this disease is here.
We want to thank Becky's parents for driving up from Austin to help us with the kids, the staff at my office for taking care of my patients when I suddenly had to leave, the friends who've offered us support back home, and the kids' school for understanding why they couldn't be there for their first week. We're coming back to our lives soon, but our lives have been forever changed.

Tiger Cub Acheivement 4G - Visit a Newspaper Office

Alex's final Tiger Cub requirement involved touring a media office and the publishers of the Toledo Parent magazine were gracious enough to take Alex on a tour. He saw where the writers and editors put together the stories and where all of the staff lays out the newspaper pages on their desktop computers. The art director took his picture and photoshopped him into their August cover. The sales manager told Alex that he used to be a scout and to keep doing it - it was worth it. They loved having him and he had a great time, and learned a little about how they communicate with the community.

Tiger Cub Acheivement 1D - Making a Family Scrapbook

When we saw that Alex needed to make a family scrapbook as a Tiger Cub badge requirement, we knew that would be right up Becky's alley. I blog as a form of digital scrapbooking, and someday I'll teach Alex. This past week they've been to Hobby Lobby, Michael's, and Skrap Paper (a scrapbooking store, natch) to collect supplies. Tonight they sat down and started putting it all together. They spent time at the store punching the letters out for the cover titles and stuck them on the cover tonight. They've got a stack of scrapbook pages that they picked out that will get tied together as they fill the pages.

SchoolHouse Rock, Live (Jr.)

We were looking up local activities online and stumbled upon a live production of a Kidz Theater production of Schoolhouse Rock, Live. It was a great stage show performed completely by kids. The kids knew all of the songs from our DVD set, but it was great to see it up on stage. Alex even mentioned that he might like to try something like this someday. "And, But, and Or - they'll get you pretty far."

Tiger Cub Acheivement 3D - Make a Food Pyramid

Alex tackled this project in school last year, but it took on a different twist for his Tiger Cub Badge requirement. Besides coloring and labeling the pyramid, Alex took pictures cut from ads and magazines of foods and glued them to the correct spots on the pyramid. It gave us another chance to talk about a variety of healthy foods, and Alex has been using that knowledge by helping us to convince his younger brother to get a little variety into his diet.

Tiger Cub Acheivement 3Fa - Fire Drill!

Alex designed a fire drill today. Actually he designed it a year ago for school, but redid it for Scouts this year. He made sure we had at least 2 ways out from every floor and a meeting place to get to once we were outside. We practiced it (all except for the climbing out of the window on the second floor with our escape ladder) and we all feel much safer now.

Tiger Cub Acheivement 3Fb - What to Do When You're Lost

When we saw how crowded the Rib-Off was tonight, we discussed with Alex what to do whenever he is lost, which is one of the requirements for his Tiger Cub badge. He decided he should stop where he is and look around to see if he sees us. If not, he knows not to panic, but instead to go to a trusted person - in this case there were numerous police/sheriff officers around, but we've told him he can trust a female store clerk, teacher, security officer and the like. He knows his address and home phone number, but at events like this, he carries a card that also has our cell phone numbers on it so that we can be reached at the event. Thankfully no one got lost tonight, but it's always good to be prepared.

Rockin' with Patricia at the Rib-Off

We chose a great night to go to this year's Rib Off. No we didn't. OK, yes we did. We tried to beat the heat by heading out for the evening instead of the usual lunch crowd. We lured the kids because they had a great kids' area last year. They probably did this year also, but they had shut it down for the evening. Cue the sad, hot and cranky kids. We found a patch of ground and set up our picnic. We feasted on some great barbecue and refreshed ourselves with waffle ice cream sandwiches, dipped in chocolate and rolled in nuts. That significantly improved their mood, as you can see.

To top the evening off, we were entertained by none other than Pat Benatar. The kids got "All Fired Up" as we all danced the night away to some of her greatest hits. The hot night was redeemed after all.

Skills You Don't (Necessarily) Learn In School

I usually don't review other blog posts/articles here, but this one is great. I found a post on Zen Habits (courtesy of Parent Hacks) that lists "27 Skills Your Child Needs to Know That She's Not Getting In School". The suggestions range from Practical to Happiness, and from Financial skills to Social ones. This list just gets the conversation started, as over 100 commenters add their suggested critical skills to the list.

My favorites:

• Saving. Spend less than you earn. It’s such a simple maxim, and yet very few young adults understand it or know how to follow it. Teach your child from a young age to put part of money he receives or earns in the bank. Teach him how to set a savings goal, and save for it, and then purchase whatever it is he was saving for.
• Critical thinking. One of the most important skills not taught in school. These days, we are taught to be robots, to listen to the teacher and not to question, to accept what we are told and not to think, to be good employees and to shut up. If you’re an employer, you might want your employees to be like this, and if you’re a politician, you might want your citizens to be like this. But is that how you want your child to be? An unquestioning, naive, ignorant citizen/employee/student? If so, carry on. If not, just start introducing the habit of questioning why? And the skill of find out the answer. And how to question authority — there is no one right answer. Conversation is a good way to accomplish this skill.
• Compassion. Not taught in the schools at all. In fact, instead of teaching children how to empathize with others and try to ease their suffering, our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of others. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others, to try to understand them, and to help them end their suffering.
• Love. Compassion’s twin brother, love differs only in that instead of wanting to ease the suffering of others, you want their happiness. Both are crucial.

What's great about this list and the additional suggestions that follow is that these are also great skills that we should master - not only for ourselves, but so that we may better teach our children, by example if necessary.

Craig's Cruisers and Musical Fountains

We really like the kind of vacation where nothing is rushed or highly scheduled - especially with kids. We slept in and went to a late (for us) breakfast in the hotel. It was raining this morning so we started looking for alternatives to the beach. No one was too disappointed as we had a great day at the beach yesterday. I was looking around on the Grand Haven, MI website at area attractions and found Craig's Cruisers just down the road from yesterday's beach. We packed a lunch and spent the afternoon there. Just to warm up I modeled good batting posture for Alex and smashed a few 50 mph pitches in the batting cages. I was mildly affronted when Becky suggested I used to show off for her as a teenager by doing that, until she added that it really impressed her at the time. Then we all got in a round of minigolf on one of the best designed outdoor courses we had ever played on. It spiraled around a Island Mountain in the middle of a pond and spiraled down again without crossing your path. Our favorite feature was that most of the holes were shaped in a gentle cone which drew your ball in if you hit it close by. Subsequently, Alex beat us and got the Hole-In-One award with 4 total. Aaron got frustrated at the skill level minigolf requires, but amused himself by hopping all over the course's rock gardens and near the waterfalls.
Next we tried the bumper boats, and Alex and I got in trouble for bumping Becky and Aaron into the spraying water from the nearby bridge. We made up after racing on the go-karts - our favorite event of the day. Someone else bumped Becky and Aaron (a big no-no on the track) and we got to be indignant at him instead.
After pizza, Alex raced on the kiddie track by himself. He was hesitant to go fast at first, but that reluctance soon disappeared. We finished up with a rather successful run in the game room, racking up almost 300 tickets to spend at the toy & candy counter.
From there we drove to the Boardwalk at Grand Haven - much less crowded today now that the Coast Guard celebration was over. We strode along the public marina admiring the sailboats, yachts and quacking at the female mallards. We hoped there would be cute shops and sights along the beachfront when we decided for a little stroll downtown. There were quite a few – and most of them were closed on a Sunday evening. There was a cute little Italian boutique (in Western Michgan - go figure) that served gelato, of which we all took advantage.
We went back down to the river and attended a performance of the Worship on the Water, featuring a full band (including an amazing horn section) and a large choir belting out modern and classic church songs. The clouds that had been threatening us all day started to spit on us, which was a little risky for the musicians playing electrical instruments, so they ended a little early.
Finally at 10 pm the rain let up enough for us to witness the performance that we can to the marina for in the first place. Across the channel on the hillside, Grand Haven has a wide fountain that has articulated nozzles that are lit and choreographed along with a musical tract. The Grand Haven Musical Fountain was a big hit, and unlike anything we’d seen before.

P.J. Hoffmaster Beach

After the disappointing, mucky beaches of Saginaw Bay, we decided that we wanted to check out the nicer beaches on the west side of the state. We booked a hotel at Grand Rapids, about 50 minutes from Grand Haven State Park. Grand Haven, MI is a popular summer resort town, so we expected it to be busy. What we didn’t expect was that this town, that calls itself Coast Guard City, USA, was holding a festival celebrating the 217th anniversary of the Coast Guard this weekend. It was fun driving through this quaint resort town and seeing the festivities, until it became obvious that we were going to have to park MILES away from the beach and walk with our gear. No thanks. We were in luck however, because western Michigan is dotted with public beaches, and 10 miles north lay P.J. Hoffmaster State Park. The beach was everything that we had hoped for.
The only downside was that the water was a little cold for this overcast day. After being in it for a while, you got numb used to it enough to enjoy it. Alex is doing so well with his swimming that he swam out to the edge of the swimming zone with confidence and a small kickboard. Becky and Aaron played for a while, but they preferred the sandy beach, which had some of the nicest, finest sand we had ever seen.
As a matter of fact, this beach was on the other side of a fabulous set of dunes that boys and I explored like we were climbing a mountain.
Alex wanted me to bury him up to his face, and then let Aaron dig him up like buried treasure, knocking some into his face accidently. We reluctantly packed up just as the sun broke through so we could scrounge up some dinner and get back to the hotel to wash of the sand.

Treasure I'Land

Alex finished a week of church day camp today. Becky has been attending MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) meetings at the Westgate Chapel for a couple of years now and started taking the boys to church services there within the last year. Alex went to camp this week which also had a pirate theme where they learned how to get off of the "I"land by caring about others. He had a great time and told us all about it each day. Tonight we went to a Family Night presentation that featured some of the songs they hav been learning - complete with hand gestures - we were impressed. We also got to see the final pirate skit of the week that the kids saw earlier today. The had a Christian entertainer from California who came in tonight and through some Bible messages into his puppet/magic/balloon animal/comedy show. We all had a great time.

Tiger Cub Acheivement 4F - Talking at a Family Meal

Over chicken and black bean chili (Becky and I), grilled pork (Alex), and fruit & yogurt (Aaron), we each took turns telling about our day. Aaron started by telling us about his morning, followed by Alex's description of his last day at Treasure I'Land church camp. Becky talked about her day preparing for our upcoming trip and I talked about finishing up some work at the office so I could leave it behind for the weekend. It was neat to see how our day intersected and separated at various points. Though this was a requirement for Alex's Cub Scout badge, it won't be the last time we do this.

Catching Up On My Blogging

With summer vacation, the release of the 7th Harry Potter book (after I re-read the 6th), and studying for my medical boards, I haven't been updating this blog as regularly as I'd like. I caught up on May a while ago, but I leave the posts in chronological order, even if I finish them later. This means if you are checking the top of the page for updates, you may miss our catch-up posts. The tabs at the right will let you view posts by month or topic. For now, follow this link to get to all of the May posts. I'll do the same for June and July when I get them done. Thanks for your patience.

Evan's Pirate Party

Alex and Aaron were invited to a pirate themed party this evening for their friend Evan. They had a blast getting dressed up in pirate costumes and getting "tattoos" painted on their arms by Becky. Alex even drew his own treasure map as a prop to go along with the spyglass my nurse gave him.
Evan's parents planned a real treasure hunt and sent two teams of kids all around the house with rhyming clues. Each team had a treasure chest at the end filled with candy and gold coins (and some candy gold coins).
His mom made this beautiful cake. The ship, people, tree, and candle are not edible. The sand and water are.
Evan had a great time, and we had a great time sharing in his pirate adventure.